A selection of tributes delivered at Marg’s celebration of life in Calgary, Alberta on the 14th May 2019 and Hamilton, Ontario on the 22nd June 2019.
the Margaret Fitzhenry Radiation Therapy Day Room at the Tom Baker Cancer Centre in Calgary, Alberta
Calgary – 14th May 2019
Tribute from Dr. Mary Valentich
May 14, 2019
I speak as a friend of over 30 years. I know that she was your friend too. I hope my words resonate with your sentiments.
Marg exemplified what it means to be a friend. She was always ready to offer support, insight, wisdom and humour. I could count on her to return my phone call or to come over to visit or just to show off her Jon Fluevog shoes! She loved those shoes and was so happy when she was able to get a pair for Alison, Mike’s wife. Her enthusiasm for life was boundless and consequently, it was fun to be with her. We loved thinking through situations, especially when she or I perceived unfairness or injustice. I was very impressed by how assertive she could be when a situation called for action. And I greatly appreciated her always offering assistance for anything I might need.
In every encounter, she was open, honest and authentic, readily sharing her thoughts and feelings, even her occasional misgivings or regrets, but never with bitterness or anger.
As two families, we enjoyed many occasions together. I will remember these: my once a year back yard fire pit venture, eating Canada day cake and watching fireworks from the deck, or celebrating birthdays.
Most recently, Marg knew that I had hoped that she and ken would be able to celebrate my son’s march birthday. She happened to have one of her rare few days at home and despite her weakness, she willed herself to come over on March 3, bringing a gift for Stuart. Thank you Marg for all your kindnesses. The next day she landed in the hospital. She never assessed any costs to herself. She was always in a giving mode, going the extra mile, with warmth and generosity of spirit.
She was so very suited to working here and she loved it. Some years ago, I had the chance to see her, interacting with patients. I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but I could see the smiles on patients’ faces and their responsiveness to her. It was evident that she could give patients just the boost that was needed. Marg possessed that emotional and social intelligence that made all the difference to those who were in need. It did not surprise me at all that after leaving her paid, full-time position, she was being called back so often.
She had a rare interpersonal gift and many of us were the beneficiaries.
You, her colleagues, were like a second family to her. She often spoke of you and your great work. She was so proud to be a member of a compassionate team committed to offering quality medical care.
She was very fulfilled professionally and greatly appreciated an award that she received. Because of her regard for you as professionals and friends, she entrusted herself to your medical care. She knew you all were pulling for her and it gave her great satisfaction to be held in such high regard.
Beyond work, Marg’s other great source of joy was her family. She often included me, my late partner, Jim, Stuart, Robyn, Mariella and Liam in her family gatherings. More recently, it was a pleasure for me to meet other relatives from Ontario and Montreal, even under the trying conditions of her ill health.
Mike and ken were, of course, the central pillars of her life. I doubt that Marg and I had a single conversation without her mentioning one or both of them. Mike, she was your greatest fan. You know she was so proud of you and so happy that you were achieving your personal and professional goals. Ken, you have been magnificent throughout this recent difficult period that began in January. Your and Marg’s loving relationship, represented by your special and so beautiful song, moon river, meant everything to her. As her friend, i know she fussed about you and did everything in her power to make sure you stayed healthy so that the two of you could continue with your trips, your socializing with family and friends, your car shows, sitting out on the deck…there was so much to live for and she certainly wanted to live.
That’s why it is still so hard for most of us to believe we are here, saying goodbye.
Her sister, Patricia, told me that near the end, Marg said “I’m finished,” acknowledging her grim reality.
I wish I could tell Marg, face to face: “you are so wrong!! There is no way that “you are finished”, Marg. Yes, your body, your capacity to speak, your hugs, have left us. But you will never be “finished”! You, as a friend, a colleague, a relative, a mother, and a partner will remain in our hearts forever.
Hamilton – 22 June 2019
Tribute from Patricia King Hill (sister)
June 22, 2019
Hello and thank you for being here.
This is the 2nd Celebration of Life for Margaret. It only makes sense that Marg would have a double celebration. She really was loved THAT much.
Last month, the auditorium at the Tom Baker Cancer hospital was full of dear friends and colleagues. After working 35 years at this very same hospital Margaret made many friends. It was evident to me and my siblings when we visited her that she was loved.
This week, on Marg’s 66th birthday, Tim, Ken and I returned to her hospital to see the beautiful memorial plaque in her honour placed on the wall leading to her workplace. And like it was throughout her treatment, one by one, two by two, her colleagues, her friends, came up to us and reminded us once again how they loved and miss her. It was a special way to commemorate Marg’s birthday.
Margaret loved big. She adored her husband Ken and always showed incredible love and pride for her son Michael and his wife Alison and of course her extended family in the East. She traveled extensively around the world but still found pleasure in visiting Hamilton, never missing an opportunity to visit her dear friends.
I had the bitter sweet pleasure communicating throughout her treatment with her besties – Mary Ann, Brenda, Judy, Kenny, Wanda.
She took pleasure in simple things. Marg loved a good bargain, road trips, antique car shows, bagpipes, of course played by her dear Michael, a glass of wine, okay more than a glass, of and course her bright tartan leggings! She was so happy to see how much love was shone to her and when her brain surgeon called her a remarkable patient after walking the day after surgery she basked in the glory.
She fully trusted her oncology team and would insist on hugs at the end of each visit. These doctors would be the ones with tears in their eyes as Marg neared the end of her journey. They had hoped too that the treatment would work and give us all more time.
She was touchy feely. Lol. I laughed out loud when the young intern simply asking for a surgery release signature was subjected to Marg rubbing his back while he stood beside her.
She was funny and loved to laugh. She would call and leave a singing voice message “hello Hill family. It’s your sister Margaret from Calgary calling”. I talked to her often and she could talk for ages. She generally wanted to know about everything in your life. She left each conversation with “Hugs all around”. A new hashtag I hope to keep for my own.
She was incredibly positive throughout this journey and her spirit was infectious She believed with all her heart and soul that she was going home and was looking forward to more road trips with Ken. Those two drifters, off to see the world, there’s such a lot of world to see.
Margaret – always my sister, forever my angel xo
Tribute from Heather King Hanson (sister)
June 22, 2019
There is a sense of pride when I tell people that I am the youngest of seven children. We didn’t grow up in the richest of neighbourhoods, but I think we all turned out pretty good.
Marg was 18 when she moved to Victoria; I was just 4 years old. I don’t remember a lot about what led up to the move, but I remember the feeling of pride that I had in the years that followed. ‘My sister is a nurse, she lives in Victoria”. In my mind, she was on an adventure. That feeling never left me over the years. Whether she was changing jobs or moving to Alberta or travelling all over Europe, Mexico and Hawaii – It’s what her life always seemed like to me… an adventure.
My sister, Leslie, always says “I want to grow up to be just like Marg”… we all do. She had this fearlessness and positivity that was contagious. I would talk to her about stuff that was going on in my own life… sometimes heavy stuff… and she had a way of making it all lighter… simpler. I will miss that most of all. She was the oldest and I am the youngest, but we were close in so many ways.
She was so generous with her time too. When my Callum was born with a cleft lip and palate – it took Marg about 3 seconds to say “I will come when he has surgery”… and she did… a couple of times… to help out and just be there for support.
Her phone call s were meaningful, deep, fun… and sometimes too long… but what I wouldn’t give to be able to call her right now. Marg never spent much time telling us about her own life… she was always wondering what was going on in ours!! And her Memory… wow… she didn’t forget anything!! Even if I would have preferred she did.
This whole illness cane as a complete shock to all of us. I remember the call that I got from Patricia in January… I couldn’t believe what she was telling me. Marg was sick!? That was just never a possibility for me. The seven of us would always be one… she couldn’t be sick… not really sick anyway.
The next weeks and months gradually showed us all again how strong and brave and positive our sister was. It was quite remarkable. I would call her to get an updated and she just blew me away… “I want you to look up Jimmy Carter melanoma”… “we are cancer twins”. She was a “teacher” until the very end… encouraging us to learn all we can about this particular cancer and the treatments.
That just reminds me of a few times that I would receive envelopes in the mail from her… this was long before email… she would send me pamphlets of various careers with a short note telling me what schooling was required to reach that month’s particular career of choice. Education was so very important to her. And she wasn’t going to let the distance between us be any reason to not have an effect on my life when it came to goal setting a career.
in the hospital bed in early April – she proved that even in her own sickness, she was always thinking about everyone else. She asked about everyone at home, she had deep conversations with every single visitor – shocking them all as she asked about their kids and reminiscing of fun times past… they felt the love of Marg to the very end.
She would hug everyone… squeezing each of us a little longer than most of us would normally like – stating, “you have to hug for at least 30 seconds to get all of the goodness out of it!”
One time, when we thought she was resting, in a deep sleep – she suddenly opened her eyes and said, “Heather… tell Jeffrey to investigate Radiation Therapy for a career”… I quickly got out my phone and recorded her as she went on to explain all of the reasons why she absolutely loved her job and the patients and the people that she worked with.
That last day that Leslie and I were there, we were about to leave for the airport… I got down close to her and told her that I loved her… that I truly hoped to come back to Calgary for her birthday… I had a tear roll down my face… she said to me, “don’t cry… I’m going to beat this.” Little did we know, that she would have a major seizure just an hour later and would never wake up.
She truly was a fighter to the very end.
Marg’s perseverance and positivity were remarkable. We could all take a lesson from my sister… Life is an adventure, live every minute to its fullest… its never as bad as it seems… and hold on to that hug just a little longer to get all of the good out of it.
Tribute from Andrew Hill (nephew)
June 22, 2019
Growing up I always felt distant to my Auntie Marg and Uncle Ken. Not because of lack of communication or anything, but actual distance. Them being in Calgary, us being in Ontario. Michael being in Scotland/London. We were all very far from each other. We just didn’t see each other that much.
I remember as a kid and growing up, every so often I would hear my mom talking to Auntie Marg on the phone, and they would TALK. Sometimes I could never understand how two people could talk so much. Occasionally I would run over and chat with Auntie Marg for a few minutes, “how’s school” turned into “how’s work”, but she always asked, “do you have a girlfriend yet?”. Fast forward to a few years ago, I was 24 years old and just accepted a job in Calgary, a place I had still never been to. All I knew was that I had family that lived there, I knew there was mountains, the Calgary flames, and I knew it got really cold in the winter. But I said why not, and despite never even visiting, took the job. Arms wide open, I stayed at the Fitzhenry household for about 4 months until I found my own apartment downtown Calgary, which my uncle Ken still doesn’t understand. “Why pay all that money in rent when you can have the full basement to yourself for free?!” I always appreciated that but knew I had to go out on my own. I was only in Calgary for about 10 months, but I loved every minute of it. It was the first time I lived away from home, I had a great apartment downtown, I saw beautiful mountains every day. But one of the main reasons I loved it so much was because it still felt comfortable and familiar. And that was because I had Auntie Marg and Uncle Ken nearby. During the four months I lived with them, I’d come home from work with dinner made every night and sometimes my laundry was done too. Every time I told them they didn’t need to do that, but of course I appreciated it. They had become my family away from home. Auntie Marg became my second Mom, along with auntie Leslie and auntie Heather.
I remember one day I went down the street to the barber shop got my haircut and when I came back, Auntie Marg yelled from the couch, “Andrew, come over and show me your haircut!” and I was like “huh?”. I’ve never seen someone so excited for just a haircut. I mean I was happy with my haircut I thought I looked pretty good but just thought it was funny. I didn’t really appreciate that moment until fairly recently. Because that’s Auntie Marg. That’s how she was. She loved seeing people happy. She was always happy. I literally never saw a bad side of Auntie Marg because I don’t think there was one. She was kindest person I had ever had the pleasure of meeting.
Even during her last moments, she was somehow happy. She was such a fighter, as I’m sure Michael and my entire family can attest to. I don’t know how she stayed so positive going through that, but I was always impressed.
I want to give a special shout out to my mom, Patricia, for going like 4 or 5 times over the course of those few months. I remember my dad texting me out of the blue when my mom was in Calgary and he was updating us on Auntie Marg. He said, “your mom is unreal kids, always remember that”. It was just a text message, but I will never forget it. Because it’s not just about my mom, it’s also about my Auntie Marg and how important moms are.
Before I start bawling my eyes out (I had already started bawling my eyes out at this point), I’ll end on a positive note. Auntie Marg, I FINALLY got a girlfriend. And she’s so gorgeous people don’t even believe that she’s my girlfriend.
